Mummifying Our Daughter

Okay, one more post for good measure.



Not much commentary here.

Just enjoy.

Have We Seen the End of the OS?

Since I'm on such a blogging role, I figured I couldn't stop with the Thuggets.

Why this post title?

Yesterday at the office, we lost our connection to the internet and were consequently incapacitated for like 20-40 minutes . . .

Literally, I don't know about you, but I don't really do hardly anything using desktop programs anymore. It's all about the Web.

If Microsoft's going to stay relevant, it will have to catch up to big G and the other early adapters who are making waves in the online platform.

Xerox had its chance to position itself as the first computer maker with a GUI and handed it over to Steve Jobs.

IBM owned the box, the chip, and the OS, and divested itself of everything but the box . . .

Need I mention Netscape, AOL, or the Seattle Supersonics?

Yes, I do think we're seeing the fall of the MS empire and the rise of a Big Brother who's motto is "Don't be evil." Will big G have more fun in the sun than its behemoth predecessor? Only time will tell.

To the THUGGETZ!

My main man, the F-Word, has already crafted a tremendously awesome post on this topic, found here, but I had to share my thoughts as well.

It's been 24 very long years since YOUR Denver Nuggets made it to the NBA Western Conference finals.

To put that in perspective, I'm turning 25 in September (again, I take cash, checks, credit cards, PayPal, and wampum) . . . So in other words, the last time the Nuggets went to the penultimate dance, I was sporting some sic-dizzles diapers and a pacifier (most likely).

I'm truly proud (in my fair-weather way) and just hope that, now that they've made it this far, they don't pull a "Cinderella Rockies" and get swept in four games straight.

The HOTTEST Hang Outs in Orem:

In O-town, we be crazalackin, baby!

You know it, baby. Yeeeah. We got mad hizzle dizzles such as:

THE OREM PUBLIC LIBRARY

I'm not even joking on this one.

My wife and I went there last night to pick up a few books and bust out (what I then hoped would be a good) a Hairless flick and even wounded up scoring Revenge of the Sith (hey, haven't seen it in like three years, so I was due for a little SW action).

Yes, the librarian in the picture on the right truly personifies the pure and uncontrolled energy at Orem's Public Library. (Make sure you click on the image to get a life-sized and uproarious version. I especially love the contrast on the faces of the two boys, front and center.)

Seriously, though, when we went to the check out, there were like 15 kids running around and at least six baggy-eyed-looking parents. Quite the digs.

And if all of this wasn't enough, right after my wife got our stuff checked out, she motioned for me to follow her somewhere. Where are we going? I thought. We headed toward some music in a back corner and I was presented with a scene full of children, young families, and a band of bro-nameths that looked something like a younger version of this brawg, who's dude-dawgin to the right.

To top it all off, this library has like four different areas all connected by Zelda Forest Temple-esque walkways in an outside atmosphere furnished with trees, bricks, and greenery.

If you're not going bar hopping next Friday night, you may want to try kickin it at the Orem Public Libary.

Finally, the second most bangin partay in Orem is:

THE MACEY'S SIXTY-CENT ICE CREAM LINE

I kid you not, the line to get $.60 ice cream at the local Macey's in Orem on Friday night is at least 15 people long. (I know because I've walked past it with my wife, buying groceries.)

Yes, the ice cream is good . . . but it's not 15-people-in-a-line good.

Why then do so many Oremites line up for a little soft-serve? I presume it can only be one of three things:

1. People in Orem (like me) have nothing better to do.

2. People in Orem are cheap (like me).

3. People in Orem are impoverished (also like me).

Hairless Potter & Holding ME Prisoner

All right, I'll confess that for me, when it comes to Hairless Potter, the books are simply untouchable.

With that said, my wife and I just watched Hairless Monstrosity & the Over-Cinematography of Crapaban last night.

I'm pretty sure the last time I saw this episode in the series was around five years ago, so my memory was pretty fresh and untarnished going in. (Although, I guess recently listening to the whole series on audio book could be considered at least somewhat of a bias . . .)

This movie was terrible.

Simply awful.

It's drawn out for almost two and a half hours and yet, at the end, I felt like I just left one of those photo booths where they snap a few, quick pictures and call it good.

I felt like I had the rug ripped out from underneath me.

As F-Word will very much appreciate, my emotions were stripped away and I felt like an uncomfortably disrobed Daniel Radcliffe, all shame and dignity left off stage and out of sight.

So why did this movie leave such a filthy taste in my mouth (you know, like in 7th grade when you used to drink Hawaiian Punch?) and why am I wasting my time ranting about it?

To answer the second question first, I've simply been smitten by the skill, rhythm, and charm of J.K. Rowling's immaculate series. I loved every single book. With that love in mind, I would have liked to have had at least some kind of qualitative continuity in the movies . . .

To answer the first question, let me try and list a few major gripes, in no particular order.

1. What's with the cinematography!


I get it, this Cauron guy, or whatever his name is, thinks that he is an arteest! For the love of my sanity, can we move on from the random (and out of place) whomping willow shots? And what's with the constant, "I'm staring out into nowhere and yet it's so very gripping" pauses? They felt so unnecessary and a wkward, the best comparison I can make is when Anakin gets super uncomfortable (at least for the non-brain dead audience) with Padme on Naboo, sputtering on about how soft it is there (and next to him) compared to Tatooine . . . barf.

2. Unnecessary crap replaces essential details

Many people will argue that, "Come on, Brawg," the movies simply can't replicate everything in the books. Although I wish they would and could, I certainly agree. However, when we start throwing out crucial moments, like when Crookshanks bounds in to turn off the whomping willow so Harry and Hermoine can hop into it, with the wisping willow which eventually tosses them right in, is when we start getting absurd.

Another poignant example is the scene where Sirius is rescued by H&H. Cauron totally changes the feel of the scene and yet wisps us away with loads of over-dramatized footage which equates to a lot of boredom and a disgruntled Yours Truly demanding, "How can ya have any pudding if ya don't eat yer meat!"

One more quick example is Harry's patronous charm. For some reason, in the movie, he figures the spell out in like five seconds, and yet we sit around watching him and Reemus kickin' it for like ten minutes while random metallic orbs float around. Three words: What the crap? (And BTW, why is the patronous some kind of overdone-sound-bite-force-field instead of a charging Stag? Argh!)

3. The true nature of key characters is maligned and defaced

Take Ron, for example. Cauron clearly wants us to think this red-head is a useless panty-waste whose sole purpose is to whimper and complain. The real Ron has his moments of insecurity, but he's predominantly a witty and pragmatic (not pansy) figure.

Dumbledore. It makes me want to, as my late maternal grandmother would say, "toss my cookies," just thinking about this one. Dumbledore is not a cooky weirdo! He's not so unobservant as to pound Ron's injured leg with a glazed look that says, "I don't know who the heck I'm supposed to be, but I'm clearly not dignified and sagacious." The real Dumbledore is commanding, serene, and almost omniscient. Gag.

Finally, Hermoine. When did she get so annoying? The real Hermoine is a know-it-all, but she's not a "Let's punch her in the face" (instead of Malfoy) type of character.

Enough said.

4. Over-dramatization

Perhaps this topic belongs as a subgroup in one of the previous three, but I just can't get over how much I was bothered by how the movie (and previous movies, for that matter) overdid the minor details.

Two immediate examples come to mind. a) The (now) wisping willow scene alluded to earlier. What's with the tree grabbing H&H for like five minutes, only to ever so conveniently toss them right where they were trying to get in the first place? It's almost as if the tree were an unwelcome Uncle Rico figure who's just there to take up time (although in ND it's humorous).

b) The Werewolf scene. In the book, this is like five words. Lupin turns into a Werewolf, Sirius fends him off as a dog, and the Werewolf leaves . . . there's no false Hermoine mating call and we don't even know why he leaves, it's not relevant to the plot!

5. This is a FANTASY, not a normal people at a cool school adventure

One of the things that the "critics" loved the most about this movie is how the characters and flow received much less emphasis on everything being magical and much more time on everything being practical. While I will agree that Rowling does a tremendous job of this feat in the books, the movie has it all backward. The "wizards" are almost always dressed up in muggle attire and acting like idiots. Yet, and ironically, the "pragmatism" notwithstanding, details which Rowling portrays as natural and routine in the book are treated with HUGE sound-bites and "special" effects.

My one example on the irony portion is Professor Tralawney (or however it's spelled) and her hugely booming voice when she makes the prophecy to Harry. It's like she's turned into a glorified zombie with a megaphone . . . Just plain overdone.

In summary

This movie glosses over key details like the prophecy and how Harry relates it to Dumbledore, etc. and tools around with overdone effects (both in the footage, sounds, and, occasionally, even the music) and superfluous scenes.

I have no idea how this movie got such "good" reviews on Rotten Tomatoes. My best guess is that all the movie critics out there like to see some yipee cinematography and a few bangs here and there.

For the rest of us who appreciate plot, substance, and substantiality, I say, GIVE ME MY TWO AND A HALF HOURS BACK!!

(And don't even bother mentioning the amount of time you think it might have taken me to write this rambling rant.)

The Many Faces of Our Daughter

Many of you have chafed because some prior (well, at least one in particular) posts were not exactly authentic photography.

So as to avoid an untimely and ignominious death, I present you with a smorgasbord of home-grown and old fashioned photos that just might save my neck.

In case you were wondering, not only am I my daughter's sole and lucrative agent, but I am also the proprietary source of all her classic poses. So if you're even thinking of making some GeorgeWashingtons off of these pictures, just know that I take cash, checks, credit cards, Pay-Pal, and most recently, wampum on the 75% royalties I will demand.

Enjoy.

I personally love the first shot. ONE MILLION DOLLARS!

Mattress Graffiti?

Believe it or not, but I've stumbled upon a fresh and new definition of sick and appalling: MATTRESS GRAFFITI!

F-Word, your break-into-a-car punks have nothing on these thugs.

Honestly, who could be so cunning, so audacious, so, dare I say it, juvenile?

Yes, I can only surmise that a couple of thirteen-year-olds, with perhaps, a little too much time on their hands and maybe an extra can of spray paint lying around, did the deed you now see before you.

Mischievous enough to spray paint an old, discarded mattress, and yet chivalrous enough to spare my commuting carriage and leave it and my front door unscathed. Hey, I certainly can't complain.

I can't decide which aspect of this miscreant tale makes me laugh the most: the fact that the mattress lay next to the dumpster for about three months, or the thrilling adventure wherewith a handful of thuggets proved their mettle (how hardcore they are) . . . by spray painting an abandoned mattress . . .

(I offer you my video commentary, should it peke interest.)

To the Nuggets

I'll be the first person to tell you, in a New York minute, "I'm a fair-weather fan."

I'll be the first bloke to confess, "I probably don't know the names of more than four guys on my home-town roster."

I'll be the first realist to say (for those of you who know me, I mean this in the sense of anymore), when my beloved home team loses, "that's life."

I'll be the first pessimist to point out, "You do realize the Denver basketball Nuggets haven't won a playoff series since, like, 15 years ago?"

But, I'll also be among the first to say, now that they've finally done it again, "Well done."

May I have the opportunity to say the same thing after three more victories this round.

Today's Spiritual Message: Learning Patience

If you've ever been the parent of a three-week-old, then you probably know what the word "fussy" means.

You've probably had some moments in those three weeks where you wanted to throw your child out the window in the hopes that the "stork" would quickly swoop through the same orifice, a new bundle of joy securely in its beak.

However, I would submit that our Heavenly Father allows us to take these precious little ones into our lives to learn patience.

I'm fairly confident that 99.5% of newborns have occasional crying fits and fussiness that drive their parents bonkers.

We might often ask ourselves, "Why?" Why does my child scream so much? Why can't she just calm down?

Yet, don't we have the same reactions as adults? When we don't get what we want, we cry and we moan and we fuss. Often, we don't even know what we want and in a lot of instances, we blame God.

Therefore, as the great and eternal Parent of us all, He wishes us to learn a small portion of what it feels like to experience what He experiences. We learn in Moses 1: 39, "For behold, this is my work and my glory, to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." In other words, His greatest wish is for us to become as He is.

To become as He is, we must become better parents, and, obviously, we must learn patience!

Last Sunday's Spiritual Message: Our Daughter's Blessing

This morning was a marvelous blessing. We got all dressed and ready and headed over to church to get ready for me to give our daughter a blessing.

Blessed to:
Be a strength and a light to all of those around her in a world of darkness.
Be a leader/strength to her siblings.
Be a leader full of the spirit
Be grateful for the Atonement and sacrifice of the Savior who made her life possible.
Be a standard bearer.
Know the words and deeds which will lift her fellows in their times of need.
Be full of the spirit because she is a choice daughter of Heavenly Father.
Prepare herself for a worthy spouse and priesthood holder and to be a good parent herself.
Be righteous and humble parents [themselves].
Raise a righteous posterity in preparation for the coming of the Savior.
Have a keen mind and be sober; quick to observe like Mormon and listen to/be obedient to and assist her parents with her siblings.
Know that Heavenly Father is near her, especially in times of disaster and difficulty.
Seek the companionship of the Holy Ghost.
Seek the knowledge of the world and magnify her callings.
Build up those around her.
Have health and strength
Have a knowledge of our Heavenly Father’s love.
Our daughter gave a BIG smile after! (Which was really the first smile I’ve seen her make!)

Present in the circle were at least the following: myself, my father-in-law, my wife's uncle, David Starego (a nice gentleman in the ward and from Texas), Jared Walker and David Roura (our home teachers), Rick Jeske (1st counselor in the bishopric and kind friend), Bishop Stephens.

This was a very special experience for me, our daughter being my first child. I was really glad my wife's family could make it and I'm sure my father, Gary, was there as well (on the other side of the veil).

(In case you were wondering, I'm not the guy in the picture, it was just the first one I found.)

Upon popular demand, here are some real pictures:

The Graduate(s)

Although I don't have blond hair and even though I graduated from BYU almost five months ago, the figure at the right still presents an accurate portrayal of my emotions.

Yes, "I'm awesome!"

On Thursday we took a bunch of pictures (shown below), went to my, "Yes, I'm Awesome" University Honors Luncheon (also shown below), and then headed over to commencement (you guessed it; shown below).

Not wanting to stand out in the hot sun, I stayed with my mother- and father-in-law, my wife, and our daughter until my hour was at hand to walk the walk. Admittedly, as I meandered over to meet up with my fellow graduates, I noticed the faculty processional had already begun and got a little nervous about being late (although I don't know why, seeing as there were over 6,000 other graduates).

The ceremony was fantastic and I loved the talks given by Elder Nelson and President Uchtdorf.

Getting out of the parking lot wasn't too grievous as we strategically positioned the Matrix (the car, STMad, not the movie) right near an exit. So our quick escape to the Bombay House was rather painless. Muahahahaha!

As any of my immediate family will know, the BH was and does put the bomb in Bombay (). Unfortunately, however, Bollywood had it's revenge on me the next morning . . .

On Friday, we busted out some more pictures at the Maeser (Honors) building and then headed over to convocation at the Marriott Center (again, pictures below).

Dr. Albrecht, a Fraud Expert, gave some cool pointers and then we sat through 700-something names. Yes, it was eternal. I felt like the man shown at your left.

To add a little spice to the monotony, I appended the 8th to my name (for the reading) with no one more than my mother and sister-in-laws noticing . . . I guess everyone else was asleep (my wife was taking my picture and my daughter was asleep).

We returned home to a fabulous dinner of my wife's patented spaghetti and meatballs; don't end graduation without it!

Good news! This morning, when we went to return my robes, I found out I had actually purchased them. Who knew? I felt so almost . . . bullet proof cool.

(The "(s)" in the title is because our daughter graduated from the womb, in case you were wondering.)

Anyway, enjoy the montage. If you don't want to see all 700-odd pictures, I would recommend clicking in the corner and going straight to the Web album.

Pulling My Hair Out With AdSweep: But I Got It Back!

I don't know if you can read it in the upper-right hand co

rner of the screen shot below, but the little red box says: Your AdSweep is currently active.

These five words, read by the C.A. this afternoon, represent the fruits and culmination of hours upon hours of frustration.

I do not know exactly why, to this moment, but my AdSweep kind of went numb on me and stopped working.

After trying a million (okay, 999,999) different self-invented and web-instructed fixes, I finally decided to wipe my laptop clean of any folder or remnant with the name of Chrome (yes, sounds a little fascist, I know).

Indeed, the experience was as follows:

For, behold, the day cometh, that shall burn as an oven; and all the Chrome remants, yea, and all that do mess up my AdSweep, shall be stubble: and the day that cometh shall burn them up, saith the C.A., that it shall leave them neither root nor branch.

Yep, I felt like I had had to kneel down in sackcloth and ashes to get it all figured out.

But, in the end, it seemed like all I had to do was create a shortcut on my desktop to fill in all the details and it would work and it did! PRAISE BE!!

Let me know if you would like any help setting it up.

Home SWEET HOME

I know, I know, I should just tough it out, take it like a man, grit [my] teeth and bear it, and or just bite down on a stick.

However, let me be the first to tell you that having nurses open up the door to your not so large hospital room every few hours and sleeping on a "pull-out" chair is not exactly a Ritz-Carlton experience.

I know many people have gone through much worse. Dare I say it (gasp), even the readers of this blog?

All I'm trying to say is that after four nights of sleeping on a chair in a hospital room, it's good to be home!

I've Made the Switch!

Yes, F-Word, it's official; but no, sadly, Google has not paid me to make the switch from Firefox to Chrome.

I've posted on this subject before and said there were really two things that kept me from making Chrome my default browser: AdBlock Plus and FAYT (Find As You Type).

While there still hasn't been a solution for the second (grr), there has been a joyous resolution to the proliferation of all those irritating ads.

Yep. It's called AdSweep. It requires a little bit of know how to set up (I had to get an email from the dude who created it to get it to work for me) but once in action, it works like a charm.

As for the FAYT, there is a search function, it's just not as snappy. Oh well, I'm sure it will come around eventually.

In the meantime, I'm enjoying the lightning speed of Chrome and can only hope it will soon improve on things like the FAYT dearth and it's clumsy full screen mode.

Let me know if you have any questions.

As always, Chrome in, er, chime in with your comments.

Just remember, F-Word, I'm already anticipating your cries of Google chicanery . . .

She's Still a GIRL!!!

Okay, now for the moment you've truly been waiting for.

I give you, OUR DAUGHTER!!

THE PREGNANCY PICTURES!!

Now, for the moment you've all been waiting for . . . Our pregnancy pictures!!

This one needs no commentary.

FINALLY!!

My wife and I have been waiting for this moment for months now.

I have personally been waiting for about three years. I secretly wondered if it would ever come, but it has!

In our day and age, it's something that a lot of people now take for granted or simply say that it isn't worth it.

That's right, I'm talking about the ability to paste an image right in the heart of a Gmail, rather than a detached (or at least distant) attachment. (See the image to the right, for example.)

Yes, my joy is brimming over and I just had to tell you all about it.

Remember that you too can experience the same type of immense jubilation in your own life.

What do you have to do to savor such a blessing? Just go to your Gmail labs settings () and turn on the Inserting Images function (seen at the left).

Next, assuming that you have the rich text editor enabled for your Gmail, you will be able to click on the picture icon (shown at right) and slap your image right into the heart of the body of your message.

If you've already experienced the blessing and responsibility of inserting a picture right into your Gmail, please let me know how your experience has been, I always love to hear from fellow enthusiasts.

The Lord of the Wedding Ring

Maybe you didn't know this unless you sit on my left at work or listen to my incessant ramblings regularly, but I was without wedding ring in the world since late November.

It began with the forging of the two great rings. One was given to the Wife, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. And one, one ring was gifted to the Husband, who above all else, desires power. For within these rings was bound the strength and will to govern the pair's offspring.

But they were both of them deceived, for another ring was made. In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord C.A. forged in secret a master ring, to control all others.

And into this Wedding Ring, he poured his cruelty, his malice, and his will to dominate all life. "One Wedding Ring to rule them all. One Wedding Ring with which he would get gain."

One by one, the free lands of Middle-earth fell to the power of the Wedding Ring. But there were some who resisted. A last alliance of Men and Elves marched against the armies of Mordor, and on the slopes of Mount Salt Lake Airport they fought for the freedom of Middle-earth.

Victory was near. But the power of the Wedding Ring could not be undone.

It was in this moment, when all hope had faded, that paper towel, son of the King, took up his father's sword.

The C.A., the enemy of the free-peoples of Middle-earth, was defeated. The Wedding Ring passed to the trash can, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever. But the hearts of Men are easily corrupted. And the Wedding Ring of Power has a will of its own.

It betrayed the trash can to his death. And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost.

History became legend, legend became myth, and for two and a half thousand years, the Wedding Ring passed out of all knowledge. Until, when chance came, the memory of it ensnared a new bearer.

A yearning for the Wedding Ring came to the C.A.'s wife, who took her yearning deep into the tunnels of the Misty Mountains. And there, it consumed her.

The memory of the Wedding Ring brought to the C.A.'s wife unnatural long life. For five hundred years its absence poisoned her mind. And in the gloom of the C.A.'s jeweler's responsibility, it waited. Darkness crept back into the forest of the world. Rumor grew of a shadow in the east, whispers of a nameless fear, and the Wedding Ring of Power perceived its time had now come. It abandoned the C.A.'s wife.

But something happened then the Wedding Ring did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable: the C.A. himself!

But the C.A.'s wife was not impressed with the Wedding Ring of Power, for it's maker had taken over two and a half thousand years to reproduce it, and had, this time, made it a width or two too small.

The C.A. was content to love the Wedding Ring with all of his heart (as he finally got it back) and sought to keep it for himself. But the C.A.'s wife was enraged and would not receive the Wedding Ring for the tardiness of its maker and his abundant lack of communication.

Terrified and amazed at the fury of the C.A.'s wife, the maker of the Wedding Ring of Power cowered and offered to give the C.A. the Wedding Ring for free but the C.A.'s wife would not listen and stormed out of the room.

Convinced of his regained ability to rule the whole of Middle-earth, the C.A. took things in stride and strode out the door with the Wedding Ring of Power firmly on his finger, free of charge and ready to rule all of Middle-earth.

Such is the story of how we finally got my new wedding ring!

And She Came Parachuting Down . . .

I've never been pregnant and I don't really plan on it. With that said, there's nothing better than having a woman around who's been there and done that to help her own daughter experience the challenges involved in taking care of a new life.

With that said, my wife and I were very lucky to have her mother come parachuting in to Salt Lake City Airport last Monday.

Unfortunately, the C.A. likes to get talking and accidentally got the four of us lost . . . twice.

But it's okay, after listening to Elder Wirthlin's Come What May and Love It and being somewhat of a preconditioned ham myself, we were driving along as chipper as though we had a plentiful source of laughing gas, flowing through the air vents.

(Remember that scene in Tommy Boy?)

Long story short, if you're going to have any offspring, make sure you call for backup and get your wife's mother in the battle: the ride (figurative here) will go much smoother!

Where the C.A. Was Found . . .

After applying to 27 law schools, the mounds of paperwork eventually caught up with me . . .