Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Sunday's Spiritual Message: What If the Temple Were Never Open?

On Saturday, while my wife stayed home with our daughter, I took my turn to head to Provo in order to worship at the temple.

As I pulled up, I had the distinct impression that attendance was a little down for the day . . . Then I saw it, an obvious sign that read Provo Temple Closed.

It was a minor discomfort, but as I parked the car back at our apartment, I had a thought come across my mind:

What if the temple were never open again? Or what if the temple had never been open in the first place?

If the latter were true, my wife and I could not have been married for "time and all eternity" (or forever). If the latter were true, our daughter would not be ours forever.

I know I've talked about it a lot, but the thought was quite poignant on Saturday, when I considered what it might be like if I couldn't be with my wife and family forever.

I'm so grateful that our Heavenly Father has restored His holy temples to the earth in our day, enabling us to be sealed (or joined) to our families beyond the grave.

I testify that Jesus Christ has established His Church again, with all the power to "bind on earth" and to "bind in heaven."

How grateful I am that I, and any who desire it, can be joined eternally to our loved ones forever, regardless of death.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

A Tale of Two MJs

My condolences go out to Michael Jackson and his family.

For a detailed treatise on the late King of Pop, which receives my hearty stamp of approval, see this post from the F-Word.

With that said, I'd like to take a minute to compare the two most prominent men who have ever donned the initials MJ.

To be short in writing, one is predominantly known as the most successful pop artist of all time, the other, the most prolific basketball player ever.

Both had their heyday in the 80's/early 90's.

Both have fans who would probably jump out of a window, walk on hot coals, or eat spam for 30 days straight just to get an autograph.

Both (I'm assuming on this one, but I think you'll agree) were worth more zeroes than I can imagine at the peak of their legacies.

One morphed into something quasi-Voldemort, the other probably plays more golf with other has-beens in a week than Tiger Woods does in a year.

One will forever be remembered as a dude who had some amazing tunes and then dropped off the charts of sanity, the other is immortalized on the tennis shoes of countless men, not to mention the brains of those who saw him draining championship winning buzzer-beaters, tongue out of cheek.

Here's to the MJs.

What's Your Favorite Snack?

This afternoon as I was scoring a little grub, I had a thought come across my mind:

I really love snacks.

Here are some of my favorites (in no particular order):

1. Crackers/Crackers & Cheese
2. Mustard Pretzels
3. Sunflower seeds (I'll kindly ask the F-Word to refrain from any storytelling on this one . . . I've already got the guys at work referring to me, deferentially, as "Lord Bacon.")
4. Chex Mix
5. Muddy Buddies
6. Chicharrones (don't knock it 'till you've tried it!)
7. Popcorn
8. Munchies (recently)
9. Chips & Salsa
10. Beef Jerky (especially on road trips)
11. Those small cracker tasting things that have stuff in the middle (the name eludes me at the moment)
12. Bugles w/Easy Cheese (F-Word will love how filthy these are; I haven't had some in ages)

Here's to snacks!


Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I'm Actually . . . a NINJA!

Yes, CA fans, for seeming millenia I have been mocked, tormented, and ridiculed for being a hardcore Gmail-expert-cianado.

Laugh no more, ye scurvvy villains!

My secret identity has been let out of the bag:

Click here for more.

As always, use Yours Truly as a quick reference if you can't afford the $1.25 to have the laminated tip-sheet post mailed to you.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Hitting the Bottle

For once, I'll avoid the slide show and just give you the goods.

Today's Spiritual Message: The Father of Us All

Today is my first Father's Day.

These are days that I've been looking forward to and have been prepared for my whole life.

Who knew that 9lbs and a few ounces could bring so much joy into my life?

But we've had this kind of question come up before and the answer has always been thus:

Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy (2 Nephi 2: 25).

And again:

Behold, the Lord hath created the earth that it should be inhabited; and he hath created his children that they should possess it (1 Nephi 17: 36).

For His great "work" and His "glory" is:

To bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man (Moses 1: 39).

What an amazing thought that the Father of us all would trust me enough to take one of His own children into my home to teach and lead her.

Click here for more on how God is our loving Heavenly Father.

Payment by LASER

How often do you hear the word, "Laser"? Probably not too often.

How often do you hear the word Laser used by a client or customer who's about to pay for something?

Again, probably not too often.

However, just this Friday I had a client from Ireland ask if payment could be made by "Laser."

My jaw dropped, I thought this was a borderline death threat.

I half expected Han Solo to jump out behind the corner of my office, brandishing a "good blaster at [his] side" and ready to blast me into pieces.

See for yourself:

I can pay by Visa Credit Card or Laser, if that will expedite matters.

Turns out that in addition to being a highly destructive and concentrated form of light, Laser is also an Irish debit card!

Who knew.

I thought I was talking with Dr. Evil for sure.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

What's the Difference Between Please and Pleas?

This question came up for me today at work as I was writing a random email.

I paused, thought about life, the universe, and the time-space continuum.

After what felt like an eternity of deliberation, I came to what I believe is a solid answer:

An e.

Aren't wisdom, genius, and untiring philosophy simply smashing?

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Family Reunion

My wife and I got to represent her immediate family yesterday at the big family reunion.

Good times and pictures below.

Here's to the Penguins

As I've said it before in another place, I certainly respect the Detroit Red Wings, but to say that I like them, or would ever want them to win would be a sin next to the unpardonable variety.

So, when everyone in the world just took for granted that the former communists (I don't think they have a single Russian anymore, actually) would simply steam roll the Penguins (again), I could think of nothing better than a little Penguin triumph.

Here are some facts I pulled fro ESPN regarding the upset:

• The Penguins are the first team to win a road Game 7 in the MLB/NBA/NHL since the 1979 Pittsburgh Pirates. They ended an 18-game losing streak by road teams in Game 7.

• Friday was the first Stanley Cup final rematch to go to a Game 7 and have the team that lost the previous year win.

• It was the fourth time in sports history that a city has won the Stanley Cup after winning the NFL title (Detroit in 1953-54, Detroit in 1935-36, Chicago in 1933-34).

Here's a link to the recap if you're interested.

Again, here's to the Penguins!!

(Now let's just hope the Avs can turn things around quicker then the Pens did so I don't have to wait another nine years to do a similar celebration dance)

Friday, June 12, 2009

Hung Over

Our daughter's style.

The Sick Truth Revealed

That's right folks, while Sean, Rush, and all of the other conservative/liberal "pundits" were droning on about meaningless fluff and drivel, I uncovered the inconvenient truth of why Chrome does not have "find as you type."

You heard it here first!

Some "big shot" named Peter Kasting is behind it all.
It's off-by-default in Firefox and not widely known, which automatically makes it a candidate to not include in Chrome (since in general we try to avoid options and "just do the right thing"). We wouldn't want it on by default for the same reason Firefox doesn't have it on by default: it can seriously confuse users and it breaks some websites (ones with JS key handlers). So the only option would be to also stick it in Chrome as an off-by-default option, and the use case of "I'd like to save a keystroke before finding" hasn't seemed compelling enough to do so.

I echo the feelings of one reader who said, "This reasoning actually borders on disgusting." Amen.

For all of my fellow closet geeks out there, here's the link for your reading enjoyment.

(Yes, I'm very aware there may not be any, at least on this super-famous blog . . .)

Thursday, June 11, 2009

The CA v. Kirby Heybourne

Just when you thought my bullet proof coolness could only go so far . . . I give you, the CA versus Kirby Heybourne!

While he has a super-awesome, black turtleneck, at least I still maintain my unbeatable circular-shaped spectacles.


(Please no comments about how we're almost close enough to go in for a kiss.)

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Cracking a Smile

YES!! I always knew I was hilariuos. Now we have photographic proof!

Too bad I wasn't in the vicinity when this gem was taken.

Wife, I salute you.

I don't know which I relish more: the open-mouhted smiley grin or the post-milk almost enibriated looking, half-closed, half-glazed eyes stare.

(Oh, and my apologies for buttering you up like that and then pulling the rug out from under your feet. Just imagine it and take my word that it's truly, as STMAD would say, ROTFLMFOAD.)

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


Yes, the Avs have gone from one of Hockey's best and brightest, straight down to one of its softest and most despicable.

Just as he's doing in the picture to the right, Tony Granto himself, along with five others, have been put away, sacked, "relieved" of their duties . . .

Yes, the Avs have gone from holding (if I'm not mistaken) hockey's longest sell-out streak in history, down to an embarrassment and a GIANT QUESTION MARK.

Indeed, I was spoiled by my dear Avs for far too long, about 12 years, if I'm not mistaken. They set the record for consecutive years with a division championship and now they're looking up to the top, at none other than the hated (but at least respected) Detroit Red Wings. Punch me in the face, Claude Lemeuix!

Truly F-Word, with the Nuggets and Rockies so close to a first-time championship, how horrific that the perennial powerhouse Avs fall straight from grace.


(Yes, I realize the Patriots poster isn't entirely relevant, but that's how I feel about my Avs.)

What's a Sybarite?: Fun Web Clips

Have you ever wondered what a sybarite is?

Well, one day, a link to the answer popped up in my Gmail account (in a like manner):

1.(usually lowercase) a person devoted to luxury and pleasure.
2.an inhabitant of Sybaris.

Good times, eh?

How can you score such great random links? Look no further than your very own Web Clips, found in the Settings section of your Gmail account as shown below:

You can then set up RSS feeds to whatever you would like to get updates on. Click on "Learn more," if you need help.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009